The church should be the safest place on earth. For a narcissist, it is the most target rich environment on earth. Faith communities are built on trust, forgiveness, submission to authority, and turning the other cheek. Every one of those values can be weaponized by a predator who knows how to speak the language.
How Narcissists Exploit Church Culture
They volunteer for everything. They are the first to arrive and the last to leave. They serve visibly and generously. They quote Scripture fluently. They position themselves as spiritually mature, deeply committed, and sacrificially loving. They build a public reputation that makes them untouchable.
Behind closed doors, they are controlling, manipulative, and cruel. But when you try to tell someone, their public persona shields them. "That does not sound like them at all. They are such a godly person." And the door closes on you again.
Spiritual Manipulation Tactics
They use Scripture as a weapon. "Wives, submit to your husbands" becomes a tool for control. "Forgive seventy times seven" becomes a mandate to tolerate abuse. "Touch not God's anointed" becomes a shield against accountability.
They invoke God's authority for their own agenda. "God told me we should..." "I feel led by the Spirit to..." "If you question me, you are questioning God." This is spiritual abuse. It uses the language of faith to override your discernment and silence your objections.
What to Do
A genuine spiritual leader welcomes accountability, invites disagreement, and demonstrates consistent character in private and public. A narcissist using spiritual authority will resist accountability, punish questioning, and show one face to the congregation and another to you.
Trust what you see at home more than what they perform at church. God is not confused about what is happening. The predator may have fooled the congregation, but they have not fooled God.
For a complete examination of spiritual manipulation, read Breaking Free from Jezebel. Take the Dark Room Assessment to evaluate your situation. And if your church has become part of the system that keeps you trapped, Dr. Hines understands these dynamics deeply.