Gaslighting is not just lying. Lying is telling you something false. Gaslighting is making you believe that your own perception of truth is broken. It is the difference between someone saying "that did not happen" and you actually believing your memory is wrong.
This is the most foundational tactic in the predator's arsenal because once they control your relationship with reality, they control everything.
How Gaslighting Works
It starts small. They deny saying something you clearly heard. They rearrange the details of an event you both witnessed. They tell you that your reaction to something hurtful was "overblown" or "irrational." Each instance on its own seems minor. You let it go. You assume you misunderstood.
Over time, these small denials accumulate. Your confidence in your own perception erodes. You start prefacing statements with "I might be wrong, but..." You begin recording conversations just to prove to yourself that you are not making things up. You second guess everything.
This is the dark room taking shape. The predator is dimming the lights. And you are starting to believe the room has always been this dark.
Common Gaslighting Phrases
"That never happened." "You are imagining things." "You are being too sensitive." "I never said that." "Everyone agrees with me." "You need help." "Why do you always make things up?" "You are remembering it wrong." "I was just joking. You cannot take a joke."
If you hear these phrases regularly, you are being gaslighted. Your perception is not broken. Someone is deliberately breaking it.
How to Fight Gaslighting
Document everything. Keep a private journal with dates, times, and exact words. Screenshot text messages. Save emails. Your evidence becomes your anchor to reality when the predator tries to pull you into their alternate version of events.
Trust your body. Even when your mind starts doubting, your body knows. If your stomach tightens, your heart races, or you feel a wave of confusion after a conversation, those are signals. Your nervous system is telling you something is wrong even when the predator is telling you everything is fine.
Find one trusted person outside the relationship who can reflect reality back to you. The predator wants you isolated because isolation makes gaslighting easier. Break that isolation.
The full gaslighting defense protocol is in The Dark Room. Take the assessment to measure how much gaslighting is active in your life right now.