When people think of abuse, they think of bruises, screaming, and broken things. They rarely think about bank accounts. But financial abuse is one of the most effective control tactics a predator can deploy because it eliminates your ability to leave.
If you cannot afford to leave, you stay. The predator knows this. That is why they targeted your finances.
What Financial Abuse Looks Like
It is not always obvious. Sometimes it is controlling all the bank accounts and giving you an "allowance." Sometimes it is running up debt in your name. Sometimes it is sabotaging your career by creating crises that prevent you from working. Sometimes it is demanding access to your income while hiding their own.
In some cases, the predator is generous with money publicly while restricting it privately. They buy you expensive gifts (love bombing with a receipt) while denying you access to everyday funds. From the outside, it looks like they are generous. From the inside, you are financially trapped.
Signs of Financial Abuse
You do not have access to your own bank accounts. You have to ask permission to spend money. They monitor every purchase. They have hidden accounts or debts you recently discovered. They prevent you from working or advancing in your career. They threaten to leave you with nothing if you leave. They use money as a reward for compliance and a punishment for independence.
How to Quietly Secure Your Freedom
Open a separate bank account at a different institution. Use a trusted friend's address for statements. Begin setting aside small amounts that will not be noticed. Gather copies of all financial documents: tax returns, bank statements, mortgage paperwork, investment accounts, debts. Know exactly what exists and what has your name on it.
Consult a financial advisor or attorney confidentially. Many offer free initial consultations. Understanding your legal financial position is critical before you execute your exit.
This is Phase 3 of the Dark Room Escape Protocol: Preparation. Financial preparation is often the difference between escaping and being forced to return.
Take the assessment to evaluate all the control tactics active in your life, including financial ones. If you need help building your exit strategy, Dr. Hines coaches men through the full preparation and extraction process.